from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Randomize
