omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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