This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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