We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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