How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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