my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
