I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
