Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
