I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
