LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
a search helicopter?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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