Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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