She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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