I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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