need another drink. this is the easiest way
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she told me i tasted like america
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
