Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
