This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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