garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
