I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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