yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
