Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
