I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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