Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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