i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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