if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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