life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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