He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
