why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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