I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
