You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
