Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
