mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
