i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
