Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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