I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
