i already hear my dad disowning me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
