he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
