he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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