The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will be naked everywhere
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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