is your mom at the bar?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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