what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
