there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
