Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I

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(646): View more from New York

the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.

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(805): View more from California

You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.

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(805): View more from California

Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

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(303): View more from Colorado

there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome

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(313): View more from Michigan

I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING

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(816): View more from Missouri

Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend

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(435): View more from Utah

When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.

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