there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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