Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
