Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
