you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
