Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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