so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
