How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
