he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So vagazzling was a success
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
