i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
